October 5, 2011

Chris did take his Ambien tonight. I must say, it was a very interesting night. So, it started with Chris wanting to play a game of Mario Kart. He went to the bathroom a short time before this, and I knew he had taken his Ambien. I asked while playing Mario Kart, just to be sure. We hadn’t even started playing yet, and I could tell he was more off than usual. Turns out he had accidentally taken two, which explains how quickly he descended into loopytown. He did a terrible job playing the game, which I attribute to his amazing ability to see two karts the entire time.

Once we finished the race, he got up and proceed to walk around the apartment, with much difficulty. I could tell at this point he had taken two. I’d already asked him how he could “accidentally” take two Ambien without realizing prior to taking them that he had taken two. But, I digress. This was not the important topic of the night.

He continued to stagger around, with far more imbalance than usual. He was constantly almost walking into walls and almost falling. This worried me, especially when he decided to go for a walk down the stairs. I rushed to the door and held it shut, telling him that I didn’t think going outside in his current condition was a good idea. I’ve seen him go up and down those stairs while on Ambien, but I didn’t want to risk him falling since he was having an unusual difficulty walking, let alone standing.

He proceeded to go out onto the balcony, where he spilled his water bottle over the railing and nearly dropped the bottle on several occasions. I was getting annoyed at his inability to follow one simple request: don’t lean so hard on the balcony. I was afraid that one slip of his water bottle or foot and he would tumble to the ground below. He wouldn’t listen, but he eventually got tired of me and just went inside. One note about this: as he turned around he began to fall backwards toward the railing. If the railing were a bit lower (or nonexistent), he would have certainly fallen off.

I proceeded to corral him in his room and try to get him to go to bed. He then proceeded to text Fallon, but that’s a story for an entirely different class of blog. He was annoyed by the simple fact that I wanted him to go to bed, so he asked me to tell him why I was pushing him so much. I told him, at first, that I would rather explain my annoyances with sober Chris once than with him a thousand times. He proceeded to tell me that he doesn’t forget the things I say, and proved this by reciting the general point I had made a few nights earlier (the one where I said he would never be able to understand what I go through). This was enough to convince me that he was capable of remembering things I said, so I proceeded to explain my main beef: worry.

I told him that my annoyance does not, for the most part, stem from his actions; although, occasionally, he will due something that is extremely annoying. Instead it stems from my constant worry about what he will do to himself while on Ambien. He proceeded to say that I need not worry, as he was able to survive the two weeks I was in Palm Coast with my uncle, and the week or two I was in Palm Coast for the Fourth of July. He took Ambien during this near month (cumulative) period and had no issues, needed no babysitter.

I explained that this is not comfort. Sober Chris told me that, while I was away, he locked his car keys away so that he wouldn’t drive and locked the Ambien in a place where he knew Ambien Chris wouldn’t find it (whether this was true or not I must find out). Regardless, Sober Chris understands that he is capable of doing stupid things on Ambien (like texting people or walking up and down stairs with the coordination of a drunkard). I told Chris that I worried about him and his Ambien adventures while I was down in Palm Coast those many weeks. And, while I worry less when I’m here to babysit him, I still worry.

Even though I basically spilled to him the entire reason for my babysitting, watchful eye and occasional annoyance, he told me to stop worrying. He said that he isn’t stupid and isn’t going to hurt himself. Finally, after typing up a good portion of this entry on his computer, I proceeded to stop and move to my own when he sincerely decided to go to sleep. He changed, lied down and sat there until I said goodnight. He asked me to turn off his light, just like the little toddler he is, and I did so as I left, shutting the door behind me.

The last thing I did before he decided to go to sleep was to have him give me his bottle of Ambien. I never wanted my babysitting to come to this, but I have now taken on the role of not only making sure he doesn’t do stupid things while under the influence of Ambien, but dispensing the vital drug to him so that he doesn’t take more than he needs, either on accident or for simple pleasure. And with that, this entry is done and I am heading off to bed.


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